How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
