I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
time to smoke my breakfast
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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