Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
