and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
