i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
