You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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