youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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