i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
