i just google imaged poop.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Randomize
