Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I would fuck him just for his dog
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
