Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
