She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
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