Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
