Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
