Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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