STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
