Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
