I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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