what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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