glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
tell your sister to shave her snatch
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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