So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize