"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
