Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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