I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
