His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
