Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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