so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
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