no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
A+ Viking dick
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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