My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
