the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
