Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
