sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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