i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
