I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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