I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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