i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
