I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
