Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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