He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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