OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
