is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you inspire me to be a worse person
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
