i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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