Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
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