the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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