he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
