he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
