The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
