I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I see more hoeing in ur future
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