I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I wish i was in the wii world.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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