you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
