i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize