I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
