There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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