Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
