but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
