We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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