I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Randomize
