This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
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he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
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Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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