:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
