She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
