is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
