Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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