sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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