Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
