honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
