My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
