oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize