You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
