Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
operation harelip BJ is a go
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
