i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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